Just What I Needed

This blog was originally written October 6, 2008 by me.

Well this past weekend we had our 6th annual (for the church, my first) South of the Alps ladies retreat at the church. At first I didn't plan on going, but boy am I glad that I did.
It was just what the good Doctor (Jesus) ordered for me. Some of you may know but I have been struggling with a few things lately. Well without getting too deep into it, this really helped. The speaker was Sandy Hastings who, her and her husband have been missionaries to Germany for 38 years. Now that is dedication and love for God! If someone told me to live in Italy for 38 years... I would die! They don't minister to Americans at all, all Germans. They aren't near a military base so they don't even see Americans often. All their family is back in the states.
Putting the pieces together was the theme, and it fits! Life is a big puzzle and God is the designer. When all the pieces have been put together, by God, in other words, when we have fullfilled our purpose for being here, the puzzle is finished and we die. Well none of us knows when our puzzle is finished, only God does. So I truley believe that even though He gives us free choice, he is omnipotent and has all the control but since we have free will, He allows us to make our mistakes and choices, but He already knows the outcome so He has placed things in our paths that mold us.

I believe that He allows us to stay here long enough to fullfill our purpose or not fullfill it, you say, What other option is there? Well that is just it. If we fullfill what He has placed us here to do He may grant us a longer life or take us once we are finished (why the young die) or if we constantly refuse Him, he may take us early or allow us to live a fuller life but eventually puts that last piece in the puzzle when our time is up to accept Him. She used the example of her son in law in Iraq. She prays for Him but God already knows when his puzzle will be finished. So if His time to go Home is now it will happen in Iraq or if he was home in the states. If its not his time, God will not allow him to be killed over there. He can't be touched!
God has His protection over His children and satan can't touch us without His permission. So if God allows some tragedy into our life, such as my miscarriage. He has allowed it for a reason. Its my job to ask "What reason did God have for this? Or, What is God trying to teach me?" rather than "why me?" I had a problem with this for a while. I know its God's time but I often wondered why do the people who don't want them, who can't take care of them, who are so young, who are so neglectful get to have as many as they want, but I can't have just one? This was the wrong thinking.

I know that God was trying to teach me to have faith in Him. How can God show us He is the ultimate comforter if we never need comforting? How can God show us He is a healer if we never get sick? So God wanted me to see He could comfort me when my worst nightmare came true. He wanted me to have faith that He knows whats best that He sees the future, I can't. So I have accepted that.

I have completley given this desire for a baby over to God. In His time it will happen, I am sure of that, I have faith that He will bless us with a baby. But in His time.
Now some of you may be thinking "I told her she needed to just relax. I told her it would happen when it was meant to be. I told her it will happen in God's time." But until you have been in my situation. Until you have experienced it, you will never know how easy those words are to say, but how very hard they are to accept. Saying those things to someone who has lost a baby is no comfort but it hurts worse. Even though we know all that. When you are hurting, you can't accept that and when someone says it, it bothers you.

Its by God's grace I got through that. And its by God's grace I can now accept His will and plan for a baby in our life in His time.

Psalm 61:2 " From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the Rock that is higher than I"