Showing posts with label 2010. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2010. Show all posts
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I have a new nephew!!
So my best friend Bobbie had her very first baby. It seems like her pregnancy flew by, which is strange, because when you are looking forward to something so much it generally goes by so slowly. It doesn't seem that long ago we were in Ireland for St. Patrick's Day. I remember it all like it was yesterday. She was waiting for her monthly visitor and it was now a little late. It was St. Patrick's Day and we were getting ready to go out to eat and celebrate! I tried to drag Bobbie into every drug store we walked by for her to get a pregnancy test. I kept telling her "You are pregnant, take a test". But she didn't want to get one. Because if it came up negative she said it would ruin her night. So, finally I let it go because I understood. But the very next day I called her and said "Well....?" Josh had went to the store and bought about 4 tests and sure enough they all came back positive! Now Jacob Ryan Hagan is here and he sure is beautiful! Born November 28th, 2010 at 8lbs 15oz.
So, on December 11th I will finally get to meet this little cutie and hold him! I can't wait to see him and spoil him. I have so much stuff for him!
Day 15 & 16
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
I don't have an iPod. Sergio does, but its too expensive to add new songs to it, so if anyone has a cheap way to get songs... please let me know!
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
This picture was taken on our cruise in June to the Bahamas before our fancy dinner date!
I don't have an iPod. Sergio does, but its too expensive to add new songs to it, so if anyone has a cheap way to get songs... please let me know!
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Days 12-14 of 30 Days of me
So I am slacking quite a bit here on this 30 day challenge, I know! But I am keeping you all updated as much as I can. I work a lot as most of you know and when I get home I just don't have the motivation to put my thoughts down, I rarely update my facebook status anymore either... Sorry about that, but here they are...
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
If memory serves me correctly, it was my friend Tiffany N. that told me about blogger. She was making one and was asking me for suggestions for names for her blog. At the time I was breaking away from Myspace and wanted a place to put my thoughts for those who didn't have Myspace and to help make the break. So I thought - why not? I will try it too. I didn't use it very often for a while and since leaving Myspace I have moved all my older blogs from there to here and categorized them all. Now I am trying to keep up with this as much as possible.
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
There isn't anyone that I can think of who has recently hurt me, however, if there were a blog would not be the place I would air that business... It would be a personal message from me to them. However, there are people who have said hurtful things... probably not realizing it even, but as most of you have read that is in a blog - me sharing my thoughts on people speaking before they think.
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
See the blog before this one and you will find a lot of pictures of me and my nephews but here are a few pictures of me and my family from my sister's wedding.
The only one missing from this picture is my little kitty, but she can't play in the snow!
Me and my sister at her wedding back in October 2009
Amanda (my sister), my dad and me at Amanda's wedding
My Grandma (dads mom), Amanda and me
Me, Amanda and Jodie (my cousin)
My beatutiful mother and sister and myself
My Grandma and Grandpa Roediger (my mom's parents)
I love my family!
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
If memory serves me correctly, it was my friend Tiffany N. that told me about blogger. She was making one and was asking me for suggestions for names for her blog. At the time I was breaking away from Myspace and wanted a place to put my thoughts for those who didn't have Myspace and to help make the break. So I thought - why not? I will try it too. I didn't use it very often for a while and since leaving Myspace I have moved all my older blogs from there to here and categorized them all. Now I am trying to keep up with this as much as possible.
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
There isn't anyone that I can think of who has recently hurt me, however, if there were a blog would not be the place I would air that business... It would be a personal message from me to them. However, there are people who have said hurtful things... probably not realizing it even, but as most of you have read that is in a blog - me sharing my thoughts on people speaking before they think.
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
See the blog before this one and you will find a lot of pictures of me and my nephews but here are a few pictures of me and my family from my sister's wedding.
I love my family!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Recent events and ramblings
Well, we spent Thanksgiving with friends and we had a lot of good food! It was just too bad that I had to end my night early and try to get some sleep so I could be up and at work at 330am to work BLACK FRIDAY! Now, this was my very first ever BF out of the house, let alone at a retail store! I heard of a lot of madness from my customers at other stores and thankfully, none of that happened at ours. So, I went home and slept from 7pm - 945pm and then woke up, wide awake! So I then picked Sergio up from where we had dinner at around 1030pm, I came home and finally was able to fall back asleep around 1230, waking up at 130 and then falling back asleep and waking up at 230am so that I could get up and get ready for my busy day at work. I got to work at 315am and was non-stop until my lunch at 9am, which is funny it was being called lunch because it was really breakfast! The boss was bringing in Chick-fil-A every hour for us so that it was hot and fresh and then I had to run to Starbucks to get my coffee. Of course I was in the drive thru line for 20 minutes but I finally got my coffee and went back to work until 2pm. I was supposed to be off at 130pm but, well, with my job there is no guarentee I can ever clock out when I am scheduled, but thats ok. The day flew by, but boy was I exhausted. So I went home and went to bed around 3pm, woke up at 7pm and then went back to bed at midnight and didn't wake up until noon today. Man, it felt like the longest day of my life!! Even at noon, after 12 hours of sleep, I had to force myself out of bed and wake up! Now all I want to do is sleep!! I was ready to go back to bed at 4pm, even after a coffee and before I went to work. So needless to say the 6 hours I worked today felt like they drug on!
Well, enough of my ramblings. Here are somethings I heard from the customers....
"There was a fist fight at Walmart over a power wheels"
"Kohls was HORRIBLE, we had to wait 2 hours just to check out, they obviously were unprepared!"
"The checkout lines at Walmart were so bad"
"Someone waited in line at Best Buy for 4 hours just for 2 - $25 iTunes gift cards that were on sale for $20!"
"You have the friendlist people here and everything is so organized!"
"Everyone here is so polite!"
"I can't believe how fast the line moved, at first I was worried when I first got in line and was way back there but it went by so fast, thank you!"
"Are you standing there to keep the peace? I thought maybe you are packing heat to control the crowd" - LOL, that was my favorite! They said that because we had one supervisor at each checkout quad and we were standing just outside the quad, greeting the customers in line and making sure people were abiding by our lines and that if any of the associates had any questions someone was right there to make a decision and give an answer. It went smoothly and we had no major issues! I was proud of my team!
Well, enough of my ramblings. Here are somethings I heard from the customers....
"There was a fist fight at Walmart over a power wheels"
"Kohls was HORRIBLE, we had to wait 2 hours just to check out, they obviously were unprepared!"
"The checkout lines at Walmart were so bad"
"Someone waited in line at Best Buy for 4 hours just for 2 - $25 iTunes gift cards that were on sale for $20!"
"You have the friendlist people here and everything is so organized!"
"Everyone here is so polite!"
"I can't believe how fast the line moved, at first I was worried when I first got in line and was way back there but it went by so fast, thank you!"
"Are you standing there to keep the peace? I thought maybe you are packing heat to control the crowd" - LOL, that was my favorite! They said that because we had one supervisor at each checkout quad and we were standing just outside the quad, greeting the customers in line and making sure people were abiding by our lines and that if any of the associates had any questions someone was right there to make a decision and give an answer. It went smoothly and we had no major issues! I was proud of my team!
Days 7-11 of 30 Days of me blogs
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
As you can tell what has the biggest impact on me is 1. God and His Word. 2. Family, my husband, my mother, my nephews, my siblings, my grandparents. A few of them aren't pictured because they don't really like their pictures taken. But my family has a huge impact on my life and 3. The little one we lost... that whole experience really changed who I am, probably for the better, but it did have a huge impact on my life and always will.
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Well, I would really like to keep up with this blog, but as you can tell the last week has flown by without one entry until today. Things have been so busy with work and when I am not working, trying to catch up on sleep from Black Friday, which I worked 330am-2pm and boy was that rough working on hardly any sleep at all! Now all I want to do is sleep!! I would also like to get a date for my ornament party and keep it! I would like to make my plan to visit Bobbie, Josh and Jacob and stick to it, and I would like to make a date to go to San Antonio to visit Julia and Gary with my grandparents and stick to that too! I guess I will have to update you all and let you know how I did. Of course you will know first hand on the blog part.
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
I am proud that I survived my first ever Black Friday out of the house, yeah, you read right... This was my very first ever Black Friday out of the house. I always made it a point to stay home that day, until I started working retail and couldn't avoid it. And it was crazy, but it wasn't as bad as I had expected, however, I wasn't shopping either!
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
I don't have certain songs that I listen to based on my mood. I do listen to a lot of contemporary Christian music these days. I figure they gotta be better songs to than rap and better ones to have stuck in my head too!
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
I posted plenty the first time and still.... I have no recent pictures of me and my friends here in Abilene... that's pretty sad actually.
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Well, I would really like to keep up with this blog, but as you can tell the last week has flown by without one entry until today. Things have been so busy with work and when I am not working, trying to catch up on sleep from Black Friday, which I worked 330am-2pm and boy was that rough working on hardly any sleep at all! Now all I want to do is sleep!! I would also like to get a date for my ornament party and keep it! I would like to make my plan to visit Bobbie, Josh and Jacob and stick to it, and I would like to make a date to go to San Antonio to visit Julia and Gary with my grandparents and stick to that too! I guess I will have to update you all and let you know how I did. Of course you will know first hand on the blog part.
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
I am proud that I survived my first ever Black Friday out of the house, yeah, you read right... This was my very first ever Black Friday out of the house. I always made it a point to stay home that day, until I started working retail and couldn't avoid it. And it was crazy, but it wasn't as bad as I had expected, however, I wasn't shopping either!
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
I don't have certain songs that I listen to based on my mood. I do listen to a lot of contemporary Christian music these days. I figure they gotta be better songs to than rap and better ones to have stuck in my head too!
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
I posted plenty the first time and still.... I have no recent pictures of me and my friends here in Abilene... that's pretty sad actually.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
I would have to say Jesus. He isn't the most popular "super hero" but if you think about it, what greater super hero is there? He created the entire world and everything in it in just 7 days, he then came to live on this earth without sinning at all and then decided he was going to die on a cross after being beaten to death to save our souls. There isn't a better super hero than that! He can change lives by quietly speaking to your heart and he can make the most impossible of miracles come true just by speaking them! So that is why Jesus is my favorite super hero!
Shutterfly Christmas Cards
Shutterfly’s 2010 Holiday Card promotion - get FREE Christmas cards from Shutterfly!
For the past two years I have been buying Shutterfly Christmas cards. I love how you can personalize them with your family picture and I know many of my family have commented how they like them as well. It adds that personal touch, something that maybe will get kept after the gift wrap gets thrown away! Here is my favorite for this year and the one we will most likely be using. The picture that we will put on it, however, will be a secret!
My number one pick!
My other choice
Last year I also made a memory picture book and sent to family which highlighted our 2009 year in Italy and all that we did during that year. Maybe this year I will make another one? We did a lot, including moving back to the United States, a new state and finding a new house! One year I also made a mug with family pictures on it for Father's Day for Sergio's dad. Shutterfly has great quality prints and really cute gift ideas all year round! Shutterfly's ideas make it easy to find the perfect gift for the person on your list who has everything! So, keep checking your mailbox for our Christmas card, but you have to send me your address first!!
For the past two years I have been buying Shutterfly Christmas cards. I love how you can personalize them with your family picture and I know many of my family have commented how they like them as well. It adds that personal touch, something that maybe will get kept after the gift wrap gets thrown away! Here is my favorite for this year and the one we will most likely be using. The picture that we will put on it, however, will be a secret!
My number one pick!
My other choice
Last year I also made a memory picture book and sent to family which highlighted our 2009 year in Italy and all that we did during that year. Maybe this year I will make another one? We did a lot, including moving back to the United States, a new state and finding a new house! One year I also made a mug with family pictures on it for Father's Day for Sergio's dad. Shutterfly has great quality prints and really cute gift ideas all year round! Shutterfly's ideas make it easy to find the perfect gift for the person on your list who has everything! So, keep checking your mailbox for our Christmas card, but you have to send me your address first!!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Living in Italy for 3 years we travelled a lot! We have been to so many places I couldn't possible put them all on here. So here are just a few of the more recent trips we made. To see all of them go to my facebook albums!
Bahamas on a cruise! We are standing in a pool but just past those people it goes to the beach and then the ocean!
In Germany on our way up the big hill to see the Neuswanstien castle.
Living in Italy for 3 years we travelled a lot! We have been to so many places I couldn't possible put them all on here. So here are just a few of the more recent trips we made. To see all of them go to my facebook albums!
Rip cord in Orlando, FL
Ireland outside our hotel for St Patrick's Day!
Well, I wanted to upload one more from Slovenia but it won't let me so I guess you will have to check it out in my facebook "Last Few Months in Italy" album.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
30 Days of me: A picture of my friends and a habit I wish I didn't have
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Instead of just one picture I will give you a few! Unfortunately I don't have recent pictures of my friends here in Abilene.
This was taken in Ft Lauderdale, Florida. We met up with Sergio's high school friend John and we made three great friends while there. From left to right, JR, his son - Tanner, me, then Wendyl Roche (professional fighter and trainer) John and Sergio. Picture was taken while we were waiting for famous UFC fighter Thiago Silva and then we met him. Pictures on my facebook!
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
I have a bad habit of biting the inside of my lips and cheeks, its something I have done for as long as I can remember. I do it when I am bored, nervous, or when watching a movie or tv. Hopefully its something I can break. I guess there are worse habits out there!
Instead of just one picture I will give you a few! Unfortunately I don't have recent pictures of my friends here in Abilene.
Our Best Friends - the Hagans!! We miss you guys and can't wait for the arrival of baby Jacob!!
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
I have a bad habit of biting the inside of my lips and cheeks, its something I have done for as long as I can remember. I do it when I am bored, nervous, or when watching a movie or tv. Hopefully its something I can break. I guess there are worse habits out there!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Day 1
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
These are in no particular order and I will try to make them as interesting as possible! More just facts about me.
1. I was promoted to supervisor in just 2 months while working at JCP.
2. I am a miscarriage survivor and battling everyday with infertility.
3. My parents got divorced when I was 5 years old and it was the best thing to happen to my life.
4. I recieved Jesus Christ as my personal savior when I was 6 years old.
5. I got married at age 21 in South Carolina.
6. I have lived in 3 states and 2 countries (including the USA). Michigan, South Carolina, Texas, and Italy.
7. I have had 4 knee surgeries in 4 years. 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007.
8. I have had 8 cars in the 10 years I have been driving. 1989 Dodge Caravan, 1984 Chevy Blazer, 1983 Chevy Chevette, 1989 Oldsmobile 98 Regency Broughm, 1999 Chevy Malibu, 2004 Chevy Cavalier, 2003 Ford Escape, 2006 Ford Escape.
9. I have visited many countries, Italy, Slovenia, Austria, Germany, Ireland and stopped briefly in Switzerland.
10. This is the 3rd base I have been to with Sergio but its his 4th base in the 7 years he has been in.
11. I currently take 4 medications a day but in Jan/Feb it will be 7 medications!
12. I lived in my grandparents basement for 14 years of my life! And I have the best memories there!!
13. I have my associates in Criminal Justice - Corrections.
14. My cat and my dog are my babies, they are spoiled and I love them so much, they make me laugh and they are always there for me!
15. I would love to live in Germany and Japan sometime while we are still in the Air Force, but for now I am enjoying the states and would like to stay stateside for at least the next 5 years!
1. I was promoted to supervisor in just 2 months while working at JCP.
2. I am a miscarriage survivor and battling everyday with infertility.
3. My parents got divorced when I was 5 years old and it was the best thing to happen to my life.
4. I recieved Jesus Christ as my personal savior when I was 6 years old.
5. I got married at age 21 in South Carolina.
6. I have lived in 3 states and 2 countries (including the USA). Michigan, South Carolina, Texas, and Italy.
7. I have had 4 knee surgeries in 4 years. 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007.
8. I have had 8 cars in the 10 years I have been driving. 1989 Dodge Caravan, 1984 Chevy Blazer, 1983 Chevy Chevette, 1989 Oldsmobile 98 Regency Broughm, 1999 Chevy Malibu, 2004 Chevy Cavalier, 2003 Ford Escape, 2006 Ford Escape.
9. I have visited many countries, Italy, Slovenia, Austria, Germany, Ireland and stopped briefly in Switzerland.
10. This is the 3rd base I have been to with Sergio but its his 4th base in the 7 years he has been in.
11. I currently take 4 medications a day but in Jan/Feb it will be 7 medications!
12. I lived in my grandparents basement for 14 years of my life! And I have the best memories there!!
13. I have my associates in Criminal Justice - Corrections.
14. My cat and my dog are my babies, they are spoiled and I love them so much, they make me laugh and they are always there for me!
15. I would love to live in Germany and Japan sometime while we are still in the Air Force, but for now I am enjoying the states and would like to stay stateside for at least the next 5 years!
30 days of me
A few friends have done this, so let's see if I can keep up with this too! I will do my best and if I skip a day or two I will catch them up as soon as I can! I will post them in a new blog.
30 days of me
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future or about your spouse.
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Your favorite song.
30 days of me
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future or about your spouse.
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Your favorite song.
TTC Journey 2007-2010
Its been a few days since I have wrote anything. I have been busy with work and life. I really haven't spent too much time on the computer. This is something I haven't opened up about yet... I have been debating if I wanted to share it or not. But its a part of my life and while its something I have struggled with for a while now, I think its finally time to really open up about it. I have had my reservations on making it public because its really not the business of the whole world and some people can be so judgemental. So I have felt like I haven't been able to open up about it until now. I have finally accepted that this is the battle I have been dealt.
Some of you know the struggles we have had through the years. First, the miscarriage in Feb. 2008, then all of the tests, the rounds of Clomid. Well, here is what few people know....
I started seeing an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) out in Odessa, which is 3 hours away from my house. She put me on Letrozol to cause me to produce multiple eggs for my October cycle, I went in and she did an ultrasound which showed I had three eggs measuring at 12 on one ovary and 1 on the other measuring at 21. So she gave me an hcg trigger shot which would cause my body to release that one larger egg within 24 hours and the next day Sergio and I both went back and we had an IUI (intra-uterine insemination) done. This is where they take a sperm sample from my husband, wash it and inject it directly into the uterus. It cuts out all the travel time for the little swimmers. Tricare of course covered only the medications and the dr visits, the procedure and injection and ultrasound was all out of pocket! Anyway, that round failed....
but just days before we went in for this procedure I got a call from Wilford Hall down in San Antonio on Lackland AFB and they said that they had re-opened for new patients and wanted to see me! I also found out we had been accepted into their program back in June when we first got back to the states but because of miscommunication and them not having my phone number we couldn't connect. I had tried calling but no one would return my calls because I wasn't a patient and I had no idea that they were trying to call my Italian phone numbers! Anyway, I contacted Dr A from Aviano to let him know that I was told my referral had been denied (because she couldnt get a hold of me, but I didn't know that at the time). And he emailed Dr R down at Wilford Hall to ask if he would do him a favor and see me. Turns out Dr R and Dr A both went to school together in the military AND Dr R even travelled to Aviano to help Dr A out for a little while not too long ago!! So the only reason I got back in being that they were so short staffed was because Dr A pulled some strings and called in a favor. I am so thankful for him!! Well, being that Wilford Hall is a military facility, all procedures will be FREE!!! Of course if we ever moved on to IVF there would be a small out of pocket expense and when I say small I mean small compared to what civilians charge. Anyway, I had my initial consult on November 1st. We got a lot covered at that first appointment. He also gave me a diagnosis....
He believes I have insulin resistant PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). I don't have all the typical symptoms that one would have to be diagnosed, but I fit the criteria and have quite a few of the symptoms. This is something I have thought I had for a while now, but I kept being told that I probably didn't have it. However, I am on a good combination of drugs now. I am taking prenatals, vitamin D3, folic acid, Metformin and will be taking Clomid next month for a Clomid Challenge Test. I will get my blood drawn on CD (cycle day) 3 and then take Clomid from CD5-CD9, then on CD10 I get my blood drawn again. This will show how my body responds to Clomid. I could get pregnant during that time but I was on Clomid for 6 months and never got pregnant on it, however, this time it will be combined with those other drugs I mentioned and might help. If it doesn't though, the plan is that we won't waste anymore time with Clomid and I will go straight to another IUI. Wilford Hall is a 4 hour drive but being that we don't pay anything out of pocket the extra hour will be worth it!
So we have a few things riding against us. We have a slight male factor infertility (slightly below average motility and morphology) but nothing too serious. I have endometriosis and PCOS. Hopefully with the next IUI we will be expecting. Dr R said that Dr B out in Odessa only gave me half of the normal hcg shot, which maybe meant I didn't ovulate before the IUI? However, he will be putting me on Letrozol again(I think), and a steroid for no more than 9 days out of my cycle, with injectible medications and all the other drugs I mentioned, minus the Clomid and then do the IUI. With that combination of drugs lots of people have success! So while God gave these doctors the wisdom, we still want God's blessing so please be praying for us! And I know God won't give us more than we can handle so if we end up with triplets.... Well, who wants a nanny job? haha.
Some of you know the struggles we have had through the years. First, the miscarriage in Feb. 2008, then all of the tests, the rounds of Clomid. Well, here is what few people know....
I started seeing an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) out in Odessa, which is 3 hours away from my house. She put me on Letrozol to cause me to produce multiple eggs for my October cycle, I went in and she did an ultrasound which showed I had three eggs measuring at 12 on one ovary and 1 on the other measuring at 21. So she gave me an hcg trigger shot which would cause my body to release that one larger egg within 24 hours and the next day Sergio and I both went back and we had an IUI (intra-uterine insemination) done. This is where they take a sperm sample from my husband, wash it and inject it directly into the uterus. It cuts out all the travel time for the little swimmers. Tricare of course covered only the medications and the dr visits, the procedure and injection and ultrasound was all out of pocket! Anyway, that round failed....
but just days before we went in for this procedure I got a call from Wilford Hall down in San Antonio on Lackland AFB and they said that they had re-opened for new patients and wanted to see me! I also found out we had been accepted into their program back in June when we first got back to the states but because of miscommunication and them not having my phone number we couldn't connect. I had tried calling but no one would return my calls because I wasn't a patient and I had no idea that they were trying to call my Italian phone numbers! Anyway, I contacted Dr A from Aviano to let him know that I was told my referral had been denied (because she couldnt get a hold of me, but I didn't know that at the time). And he emailed Dr R down at Wilford Hall to ask if he would do him a favor and see me. Turns out Dr R and Dr A both went to school together in the military AND Dr R even travelled to Aviano to help Dr A out for a little while not too long ago!! So the only reason I got back in being that they were so short staffed was because Dr A pulled some strings and called in a favor. I am so thankful for him!! Well, being that Wilford Hall is a military facility, all procedures will be FREE!!! Of course if we ever moved on to IVF there would be a small out of pocket expense and when I say small I mean small compared to what civilians charge. Anyway, I had my initial consult on November 1st. We got a lot covered at that first appointment. He also gave me a diagnosis....
He believes I have insulin resistant PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). I don't have all the typical symptoms that one would have to be diagnosed, but I fit the criteria and have quite a few of the symptoms. This is something I have thought I had for a while now, but I kept being told that I probably didn't have it. However, I am on a good combination of drugs now. I am taking prenatals, vitamin D3, folic acid, Metformin and will be taking Clomid next month for a Clomid Challenge Test. I will get my blood drawn on CD (cycle day) 3 and then take Clomid from CD5-CD9, then on CD10 I get my blood drawn again. This will show how my body responds to Clomid. I could get pregnant during that time but I was on Clomid for 6 months and never got pregnant on it, however, this time it will be combined with those other drugs I mentioned and might help. If it doesn't though, the plan is that we won't waste anymore time with Clomid and I will go straight to another IUI. Wilford Hall is a 4 hour drive but being that we don't pay anything out of pocket the extra hour will be worth it!
So we have a few things riding against us. We have a slight male factor infertility (slightly below average motility and morphology) but nothing too serious. I have endometriosis and PCOS. Hopefully with the next IUI we will be expecting. Dr R said that Dr B out in Odessa only gave me half of the normal hcg shot, which maybe meant I didn't ovulate before the IUI? However, he will be putting me on Letrozol again(I think), and a steroid for no more than 9 days out of my cycle, with injectible medications and all the other drugs I mentioned, minus the Clomid and then do the IUI. With that combination of drugs lots of people have success! So while God gave these doctors the wisdom, we still want God's blessing so please be praying for us! And I know God won't give us more than we can handle so if we end up with triplets.... Well, who wants a nanny job? haha.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I love you...
Have you ever thought about the weight those three words have? The impact they have on someone? Remember when you were in a new relationship and you would wonder "when will he say those three words?" Or maybe you thought "When will I say those three words" Or maybe you remember dreaming of the day you would "fall in love". Its a blissful feeling. We hear it a lot, in passing as our days get busy its a hurried "I love you" as we run out the door. But when you really sit and think about it, love... God says Love is the greatest of all. So it must be something powerful, is it powerful enough to save a life? When someone is at such a low point in their life that they are contimplating suicide, they often say "nobody loves me." What if you told them "God loves you and I LOVE YOU?" Would it be enough? When two people are getting ready to split they often say "I will always love you but I am not IN LOVE with you" Does that even make sense? Is it strong enough to renew a relationship? When was the last time you told your spouse "I love you" in a meaninful way? When was the last time you hugged your children and told them "I love you." Those probably come easily to you, right? But when was the last time you told your grandparents "I love you"? When was the last time you told your parents "I love you"? Maybe you say it at the end of each phone call, or every so many phone calls. When was the last time you told you siblings "I love you"?
Well for me, I just told my husband on the way home from dinner "I love you". I try to tell my grandparents and mom "I love you" when I end each conversation but sometimes it goes unsaid. My sister hears it less often than my mom does and that makes me sad. Why are we in such a hurry that we don't say it more often?
But for my brother it had been probably 5 years. I can't believe that much time has passed! I remember the last time my brother and I told each other "I love you". We had gotten into an arguement, a huge one and I was moving out of my dad's house (I was living there alone until my brother, his girlfriend and 3 kids moved in) but I had had enough. I was fighting with his girlfriend and that made me fight with my brother. I packed up all my stuff and I was moving. It was November 2005. I had my car packed to the max and I was grabbing the last few items out of the house and he came up to me and wrapped his arms around my neck and said "I'm sorry things turned out like this. I am going to miss you and I want you to know that I love you." This was an emotional moment for the both of us and I said "I'm sorry too and I will always love you."
My brother and I were always close growing up, we told each other everything. But all of that love seemed to instantly go away less than a year later. Another baby was born, a baby that didn't belong to my brother and his girlfriend's violent behavior got worse. Many things had led up to this point, but all it took was one phone call from my brother to me in a panic about the threats that were being made to his young son. I told him "You better do something about it!" A week later my sister picked up two out of four of the children and they told graphic stories of "what mommy did". All it took was that and one phone call and one day later and I had 4 babies on my doorstep. That next year my husband was deployed to Korea and I became a "single mother of 4" overnight. Two weeks later the baby who wasn't my brothers child was taken to a foster home and I had the oldest 3 for an entire year. The year before we moved to Italy. That year was filled with pure hatred from my brother, anger, and him blaming me for what had happened. After a few weeks of unkind words from him and threats from his girlfriend we stopped talking to each other. Now here we are, so ironically, almost exactley 5 years later from the last time we said "I love you." I don't know what it was, but I felt like I needed to reach out....
I took a shot in the dark and said what has been on my heart for 5 years....
The only way I knew how to get a hold of him and I sent him a message....
and I told him "I love you and I will always love you!"
and he reached back....
and said "I love you too"....
Well for me, I just told my husband on the way home from dinner "I love you". I try to tell my grandparents and mom "I love you" when I end each conversation but sometimes it goes unsaid. My sister hears it less often than my mom does and that makes me sad. Why are we in such a hurry that we don't say it more often?
But for my brother it had been probably 5 years. I can't believe that much time has passed! I remember the last time my brother and I told each other "I love you". We had gotten into an arguement, a huge one and I was moving out of my dad's house (I was living there alone until my brother, his girlfriend and 3 kids moved in) but I had had enough. I was fighting with his girlfriend and that made me fight with my brother. I packed up all my stuff and I was moving. It was November 2005. I had my car packed to the max and I was grabbing the last few items out of the house and he came up to me and wrapped his arms around my neck and said "I'm sorry things turned out like this. I am going to miss you and I want you to know that I love you." This was an emotional moment for the both of us and I said "I'm sorry too and I will always love you."
My brother and I were always close growing up, we told each other everything. But all of that love seemed to instantly go away less than a year later. Another baby was born, a baby that didn't belong to my brother and his girlfriend's violent behavior got worse. Many things had led up to this point, but all it took was one phone call from my brother to me in a panic about the threats that were being made to his young son. I told him "You better do something about it!" A week later my sister picked up two out of four of the children and they told graphic stories of "what mommy did". All it took was that and one phone call and one day later and I had 4 babies on my doorstep. That next year my husband was deployed to Korea and I became a "single mother of 4" overnight. Two weeks later the baby who wasn't my brothers child was taken to a foster home and I had the oldest 3 for an entire year. The year before we moved to Italy. That year was filled with pure hatred from my brother, anger, and him blaming me for what had happened. After a few weeks of unkind words from him and threats from his girlfriend we stopped talking to each other. Now here we are, so ironically, almost exactley 5 years later from the last time we said "I love you." I don't know what it was, but I felt like I needed to reach out....
I took a shot in the dark and said what has been on my heart for 5 years....
The only way I knew how to get a hold of him and I sent him a message....
and I told him "I love you and I will always love you!"
and he reached back....
and said "I love you too"....
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
If you really knew me!
Ok, so if you have never seen the MTV show If You Really Knew Me you should watch it. Its a show where speakers go to high schools, have an assembly where everyone learns that they have so much in common. Tears area always guaranteed for the high schoolers participating and the viewers. The speaker will make a statement such as "If your parents are separated or divorced cross the line" those students walk to the other side and the ones remaining will hold up the sign language sign for "I love you". After this is done multiple times and the students realize they have a lot more in common with the person sitting next to them in class than they thought, they break off in groups and each person starts with "If you really knew me...." Old friendships are rekindled and new friendships are made, cliques are broken and bullies apologize. Its very touching and every high school should have it. But I wanted to just jot down a few things for myself.... maybe tomorrow or in a future blog I will expand more on each one.
So, if you really knew me....
You would know that:
At age 5 my parents got divorced and it was the best thing to ever happen to my life.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
At age 6 I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior and I remember the day like it was yesterday.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
When I was younger I wanted to be a veterinarian, then an elementary school teacher, considered becoming a police officer, then decided to get my degree in Criminal Justice: Corrections and am still undecided where to go from here.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I left everything thing I knew to marry into the Air Force and I don't regret a single second of it.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I lived in Michigan for about 23 years of my life, South Carolina for a total of 8 months and Italy for 3 years.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
When I was younger I had my whole life planned out. I would get married at age 21, have a baby at age 23 and be done having all 3 of my children at age 30.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
God had other plans for my life. Because although I got married at age 21 and I got pregnant at age 23 I suffered a miscarriage and lost my baby along with my dream.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
Losing my baby was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and the pain is still haunting.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I had to undergo two D&C's just 5 days apart to remove the remains of my baby.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
Its hard for me to be around pregnant people, its harder for me to see people "undeserving" (in my eyes) of children.
But if you really knew me, you would know that:
I am strong enough to handle the news of your pregnancy and you don't have to tip toe around me.
If you really knew me, you would also know that:
Complaining about your horrible pregnancy, screaming child, or saying things like "I wish I wasn't pregnant", "I am not happy about this pregnancy", make me want to slap you across your ungrateful face.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
Infertility isn't just a label the doctor has placed on us, its something we fight, suffer with and battle daily.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I have been poked, prodded and exposed to more doctors than I can count to find a cause for our "unexplained infertility".
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I have been diagnosed with endometriosis and insulin resistant PCOS.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I have gone through an IUI procedure in October and it resulted in a devastating failure.
BUT if you REALLY knew me, you would KNOW that:
Through all this, I am not an unhappy person. I have not given up on my dream to have my own child and I have not given up on or lost faith in God.
So, if you really knew me....
You would know that:
At age 5 my parents got divorced and it was the best thing to ever happen to my life.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
At age 6 I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior and I remember the day like it was yesterday.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
When I was younger I wanted to be a veterinarian, then an elementary school teacher, considered becoming a police officer, then decided to get my degree in Criminal Justice: Corrections and am still undecided where to go from here.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I left everything thing I knew to marry into the Air Force and I don't regret a single second of it.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I lived in Michigan for about 23 years of my life, South Carolina for a total of 8 months and Italy for 3 years.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
When I was younger I had my whole life planned out. I would get married at age 21, have a baby at age 23 and be done having all 3 of my children at age 30.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
God had other plans for my life. Because although I got married at age 21 and I got pregnant at age 23 I suffered a miscarriage and lost my baby along with my dream.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
Losing my baby was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and the pain is still haunting.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I had to undergo two D&C's just 5 days apart to remove the remains of my baby.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
Its hard for me to be around pregnant people, its harder for me to see people "undeserving" (in my eyes) of children.
But if you really knew me, you would know that:
I am strong enough to handle the news of your pregnancy and you don't have to tip toe around me.
If you really knew me, you would also know that:
Complaining about your horrible pregnancy, screaming child, or saying things like "I wish I wasn't pregnant", "I am not happy about this pregnancy", make me want to slap you across your ungrateful face.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
Infertility isn't just a label the doctor has placed on us, its something we fight, suffer with and battle daily.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I have been poked, prodded and exposed to more doctors than I can count to find a cause for our "unexplained infertility".
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I have been diagnosed with endometriosis and insulin resistant PCOS.
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I have gone through an IUI procedure in October and it resulted in a devastating failure.
BUT if you REALLY knew me, you would KNOW that:
Through all this, I am not an unhappy person. I have not given up on my dream to have my own child and I have not given up on or lost faith in God.
Monday, November 8, 2010
A Day Off!
A day off, if there is such a thing. Today was my day off from working at JCP but they don't ever last long enough. Here I am at the end of my day off thinking of going back to work tomorrow. Last night I dreamed.... of work! So it was nice to wake up and realize I could go back to sleep and not get ready for work. I am very thankful for having a job in this economy and thankful that I can help supplement our income, but I feel like I never have enough time for what I want to do! Sergio has been on mid shift working 12 hours. That is rough! For him and me, because we barely see each other, especially with me working 40 hours a week. But hey, there is money to be made and bills to be paid!
So what did I do on my day off?
I slept in of course!
I got ready and went to lunch with a good friend!
We then did a little shopping!
Then we separated ways and I did a little more shopping! (grand total spent today was under $20!)
Then I went home and got on the computer!
I changed the kitty litter!
I put away my clean clothes (something I hate when I work in retail and do this all day, so did I have a day off?)
I made rice for dinner (yeah we don't have much in the house, glad he ate at IHOP with coworkers!)
I redownloaded Sims 2 but have yet to play it!
I got on facebook, decided organize an ornament exchange!
I decided to check in here and write a meaningless blog on what I did on my day off!!
So now you all get to see how productive I was on my day off! Oh yeah and I got a call from work today... "can you come in at 9am instead of 945am?" so I replied "Sure!" Why not, I mean what else do I have to do?
So what did I do on my day off?
I slept in of course!
I got ready and went to lunch with a good friend!
We then did a little shopping!
Then we separated ways and I did a little more shopping! (grand total spent today was under $20!)
Then I went home and got on the computer!
I changed the kitty litter!
I put away my clean clothes (something I hate when I work in retail and do this all day, so did I have a day off?)
I made rice for dinner (yeah we don't have much in the house, glad he ate at IHOP with coworkers!)
I redownloaded Sims 2 but have yet to play it!
I got on facebook, decided organize an ornament exchange!
I decided to check in here and write a meaningless blog on what I did on my day off!!
So now you all get to see how productive I was on my day off! Oh yeah and I got a call from work today... "can you come in at 9am instead of 945am?" so I replied "Sure!" Why not, I mean what else do I have to do?
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Stop Praying and Start Moving!
I know what some of you are thinking... What? You are supposed to pray without ceasing... why would you stop praying about something so important? Well, that isn't really the message. I bought a book called Power of Praying Through the Bible and here is a mini devotional in it that really touched base for me.
"Read and Consider Exodus 14"
"Exodus 14:15 And the Lord said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel that they go forward"
"Many passages of Scripture speak of the importance of crying out to God in times of distress. In Lamentations we read "Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord" There comes a point, however, when the time for crying out is past and our clear instruction from the Lord is to take action.
That's what God said to Moses. The Israelites didn't need to worry about the details; God would take care of everything. He would help His people by obstructing the sight of the Egyptians with clouds and darkness. He would give the Israelites light. he would cause the wind to dry up the sea bottom. They didn't need more desperate prayer. They needed to get moving!
They may have been tempted to just wait. "This can't be what God wants us to do! Its too dangerous! its too frightening! how do we know we'll make it? Let's just keep praying about this." Sometimes prayer is an excuse for inaction.
Famed missionary Amy Carmichael once wrote a simple rhyme to illustrate the importance of following through with action once we have thoroughly prayed over a matter.
"A centipede was happy till one day, a toad in fun said, "Pray which legs goes after which?" Which strained his mind to such a pitch, he lay distracted in a ditch, considering how to run."
When you hear God telling you to move in a certain direction take two words of advice: DO IT!!
If you delay, you may well find yourself "distracted in a ditch considering how to run." When the way is clear, remember the Lord's instruction to the Israelites through Moses - "MOVE ON!"
END OF DEVOTION.
This one really spoke to me. Many people think that seeking infertility treatments are rushing God's will and His plan for your life. Well, until you have been in my shoes, don't assume so. Becoming a mother is something I have known I would be from the time I was little girl. My friends and I would stuff our shirts with pillows pretending to be pregnant and carry around our baby dolls dressed in newborn outfits and diapers. We volunteered in the church nursery to be near babies and even tried to start a babysitting business, we went as far as to go to a class at the hospital for babysitting instruction and took up CPR classes. I wanted nothing more in life than to be a mom from the time I can remember. I know that God is not a cruel God and He simply would not have given me such a desire if He wasn't going to make that happen. Instead I think He gave me such a desire so that when it came to this time in my life I would fight with everything I have and not give up that desire! Because of the sin in the world our bodies have become corrupted through the decades - the reason we have a rise in health issues. I believe that God gave doctors the knowledge to come up with treatments and scientist the knowledge to come up with medication that can help and its irresponsible of us to not seek treatment when something is wrong. God expects us to take care of our bodies - His temples, its the reason we shouldn't drink or smoke, right?
This fight that I am in the middle of has made me stronger, its made me appreciate the simple things in life. If you have never suffered any infertility issues, miscarriage or infant loss, you take it all for granted. You can say you don't, but until you have been on my side of the fence - you really don't know. I am not saying it makes you lesser of a caring parent/mother. I am just saying you don't understand all that goes into having a family the way I do. I know this will personally make me a better mother because I won't take one second of it for granted!
Here is another devotion from Streams in the Dessert:
November 6th
"As many as I love I rebuke and chasten." Rev. 3:19
"God takes the most eminent and choicest of His servants for the choicest and most eminent afflictions. They who have received most grace from God. Affliction does not hit the saint by chance, but by direction. God does not draw His bow at a venture. Every one of His arrows goes upon a special errand and touches no breast but his against whom it is sent. It is not only the grace, but the glory of a believer when we can stand and take affliction quietly. - Joseph Caryl
If all my days were sunny, could I say,
"In His fair land He wipes all tears away"?
If I were never weary, could I keep
Close to my heart, "He gives His loved ones sleep"?
Were no graves mine, might I not come to deem
The Life Eternal but a baseless dream?
My winter, and my tears, and weariness,
Even my graves, may be His way to bless.
I call them ills; yet that can surely be
Nothing but love that shows my Lord to me!
"The most deeply taught Christians are generally those who have been brought into the searching fires of deep soul-anguish. If you have been praying to know more of Christ, do not be surprised if He takes you aside into a desert place, or leads you into a furnace of pain."
Do not punish me, Lord, by taking my cross from me, but comfort me by submitting me to Thy will, and by making me to love the cross. Give me that by which Thou shalt be best served... and let me hold it for the greatest of all Thy mercies, that Thou shouldst glorify Thy name in me, according to Thy will. - A Captive's Prayer.
END OF DEVOTION
God brings affliction in our life for many reasons. You can search out His reasons in prayer but try not to dwell there we won't always know what it is He is trying to teach us but we need to trust Him and know that He has our best interest at heart and wouldn't bring us to it if He couldn't bring us through it! If you are experiencing similar struggles (some of the hardest things in life to get through I believe) God has a lot of faith in you that you can handle it and come out a stronger person - so put that same faith back in Him that He is using you for a very special purpose.
I know that God would not have taken my baby away from us and not give us another. Not that one can be replaced with another but God used that pregnancy to teach me to have more faith in Him and has shown me how much He can comfort me since then. If you don't ever suffer pain you will never be able to experience the greatest Comforter there is. So I am embracing these trials and going to MOVE ON! It's time to take action!
"Read and Consider Exodus 14"
"Exodus 14:15 And the Lord said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel that they go forward"
"Many passages of Scripture speak of the importance of crying out to God in times of distress. In Lamentations we read "Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord" There comes a point, however, when the time for crying out is past and our clear instruction from the Lord is to take action.
That's what God said to Moses. The Israelites didn't need to worry about the details; God would take care of everything. He would help His people by obstructing the sight of the Egyptians with clouds and darkness. He would give the Israelites light. he would cause the wind to dry up the sea bottom. They didn't need more desperate prayer. They needed to get moving!
They may have been tempted to just wait. "This can't be what God wants us to do! Its too dangerous! its too frightening! how do we know we'll make it? Let's just keep praying about this." Sometimes prayer is an excuse for inaction.
Famed missionary Amy Carmichael once wrote a simple rhyme to illustrate the importance of following through with action once we have thoroughly prayed over a matter.
"A centipede was happy till one day, a toad in fun said, "Pray which legs goes after which?" Which strained his mind to such a pitch, he lay distracted in a ditch, considering how to run."
When you hear God telling you to move in a certain direction take two words of advice: DO IT!!
If you delay, you may well find yourself "distracted in a ditch considering how to run." When the way is clear, remember the Lord's instruction to the Israelites through Moses - "MOVE ON!"
END OF DEVOTION.
This one really spoke to me. Many people think that seeking infertility treatments are rushing God's will and His plan for your life. Well, until you have been in my shoes, don't assume so. Becoming a mother is something I have known I would be from the time I was little girl. My friends and I would stuff our shirts with pillows pretending to be pregnant and carry around our baby dolls dressed in newborn outfits and diapers. We volunteered in the church nursery to be near babies and even tried to start a babysitting business, we went as far as to go to a class at the hospital for babysitting instruction and took up CPR classes. I wanted nothing more in life than to be a mom from the time I can remember. I know that God is not a cruel God and He simply would not have given me such a desire if He wasn't going to make that happen. Instead I think He gave me such a desire so that when it came to this time in my life I would fight with everything I have and not give up that desire! Because of the sin in the world our bodies have become corrupted through the decades - the reason we have a rise in health issues. I believe that God gave doctors the knowledge to come up with treatments and scientist the knowledge to come up with medication that can help and its irresponsible of us to not seek treatment when something is wrong. God expects us to take care of our bodies - His temples, its the reason we shouldn't drink or smoke, right?
This fight that I am in the middle of has made me stronger, its made me appreciate the simple things in life. If you have never suffered any infertility issues, miscarriage or infant loss, you take it all for granted. You can say you don't, but until you have been on my side of the fence - you really don't know. I am not saying it makes you lesser of a caring parent/mother. I am just saying you don't understand all that goes into having a family the way I do. I know this will personally make me a better mother because I won't take one second of it for granted!
Here is another devotion from Streams in the Dessert:
November 6th
"As many as I love I rebuke and chasten." Rev. 3:19
"God takes the most eminent and choicest of His servants for the choicest and most eminent afflictions. They who have received most grace from God. Affliction does not hit the saint by chance, but by direction. God does not draw His bow at a venture. Every one of His arrows goes upon a special errand and touches no breast but his against whom it is sent. It is not only the grace, but the glory of a believer when we can stand and take affliction quietly. - Joseph Caryl
If all my days were sunny, could I say,
"In His fair land He wipes all tears away"?
If I were never weary, could I keep
Close to my heart, "He gives His loved ones sleep"?
Were no graves mine, might I not come to deem
The Life Eternal but a baseless dream?
My winter, and my tears, and weariness,
Even my graves, may be His way to bless.
I call them ills; yet that can surely be
Nothing but love that shows my Lord to me!
"The most deeply taught Christians are generally those who have been brought into the searching fires of deep soul-anguish. If you have been praying to know more of Christ, do not be surprised if He takes you aside into a desert place, or leads you into a furnace of pain."
Do not punish me, Lord, by taking my cross from me, but comfort me by submitting me to Thy will, and by making me to love the cross. Give me that by which Thou shalt be best served... and let me hold it for the greatest of all Thy mercies, that Thou shouldst glorify Thy name in me, according to Thy will. - A Captive's Prayer.
END OF DEVOTION
God brings affliction in our life for many reasons. You can search out His reasons in prayer but try not to dwell there we won't always know what it is He is trying to teach us but we need to trust Him and know that He has our best interest at heart and wouldn't bring us to it if He couldn't bring us through it! If you are experiencing similar struggles (some of the hardest things in life to get through I believe) God has a lot of faith in you that you can handle it and come out a stronger person - so put that same faith back in Him that He is using you for a very special purpose.
I know that God would not have taken my baby away from us and not give us another. Not that one can be replaced with another but God used that pregnancy to teach me to have more faith in Him and has shown me how much He can comfort me since then. If you don't ever suffer pain you will never be able to experience the greatest Comforter there is. So I am embracing these trials and going to MOVE ON! It's time to take action!
I don't know...
I want to blog, but I just don't know what to blog about... I have a lot going on in my life right now but not a whole lot I can talk about publicly - just yet.
I started selling Mary Kay and I really want to make it work, but I have been so busy working at JCP that I just don't have time to do much with it. For my Italy friends, I will ship for free to APO addresses, so let me know if you want anything. I do have a website http://www.marykay.com/rachelhrndz10/default.aspx where you can go and place an order. I do have to charge TX state tax as it will be shipped here and I have to pay tax on everything. But I will ship for free. I know how some companies rip you off being over there or just plain won't ship to you at all. Speaking of work, with my new position - M.O.D. is my title (Manager On Duty) things get crazy sometimes but I do like what I am doing now. I liked the shoe department too and really miss it at times but I like being able to get around the store and get to know the other employees. The one thing I can't stand is that a lot of times I feel like a babysitter. Its the young kids that don't really want to be working that just goof off all day. Not really understanding the importance of work ethics. We have another one who is trying to get herself fired because her mom won't let her quit... which of course makes work harder on the rest of us! Its just immaturity.
I have the day off tomorrow and I really just want to relax all day. I am going to sleep in, get lunch with a friend and then I am not sure what. I need to clean the house, its the small things... like get the clutter off the kitchen counter and put my clothes away off the couch, but working all day, where all I do is put clothes away and fold clothes, I don't want to come home and do it! I am really looking forward to having a Saturday off - this Saturday I was scheduled off. I don't know how I got so lucky! I have been wanting to have a garage sale but that requires a lot of work. I don't think I have time for that, but maybe I can get it together by this weekend?
So many changes are about to come, I just know. And we need a lot of prayer. Prayer that God will lead us in the right direction and making the right decisions. I just have so many mixed emotions right now and don't know in which direction to go. I promise to blog about this situation as soon as I can. God has already proved Himself in a huge way in this matter, but what do we do next?
I started selling Mary Kay and I really want to make it work, but I have been so busy working at JCP that I just don't have time to do much with it. For my Italy friends, I will ship for free to APO addresses, so let me know if you want anything. I do have a website http://www.marykay.com/rachelhrndz10/default.aspx where you can go and place an order. I do have to charge TX state tax as it will be shipped here and I have to pay tax on everything. But I will ship for free. I know how some companies rip you off being over there or just plain won't ship to you at all. Speaking of work, with my new position - M.O.D. is my title (Manager On Duty) things get crazy sometimes but I do like what I am doing now. I liked the shoe department too and really miss it at times but I like being able to get around the store and get to know the other employees. The one thing I can't stand is that a lot of times I feel like a babysitter. Its the young kids that don't really want to be working that just goof off all day. Not really understanding the importance of work ethics. We have another one who is trying to get herself fired because her mom won't let her quit... which of course makes work harder on the rest of us! Its just immaturity.
I have the day off tomorrow and I really just want to relax all day. I am going to sleep in, get lunch with a friend and then I am not sure what. I need to clean the house, its the small things... like get the clutter off the kitchen counter and put my clothes away off the couch, but working all day, where all I do is put clothes away and fold clothes, I don't want to come home and do it! I am really looking forward to having a Saturday off - this Saturday I was scheduled off. I don't know how I got so lucky! I have been wanting to have a garage sale but that requires a lot of work. I don't think I have time for that, but maybe I can get it together by this weekend?
So many changes are about to come, I just know. And we need a lot of prayer. Prayer that God will lead us in the right direction and making the right decisions. I just have so many mixed emotions right now and don't know in which direction to go. I promise to blog about this situation as soon as I can. God has already proved Himself in a huge way in this matter, but what do we do next?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
A Lesson in Dealing with those Suffering through Infertility
These are in the book Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake in a section at the end of each chapter called "Burden Bearers" The **** means it has really hit home with me, while those I have listed here are issues that have affected me, along with all my other friends suffering through this with me, please take the time to read through them.
"When you are meeting someone new, don't start your conversation with "So, do you have any kids?" While innocent enough, such questions can make me feel like a deer caught in your headlights."
*****"Please don't tell me I am being punished. I am already probing my heart with a microscope to see if there are any offensive ways standing in the way of my relationship with God. Infertility and bereavement carry many painful emotions, often including a false sense of guilt and self-blame. Please be careful not to try to play the role of the Holy Spirit in my life. If you truly believe my fertility challenges are entangled with sin issues, prayerfully approach me with loving-kindess rather than condemnation, in keeping with Matthew 18, Galations 6 and James 5:19-20"
"Just because my miscarriage was "early" don't think my baby was any less a person, any less my child, any less significant, than if he had died later in life. Don't tell me that my baby's death was probably"for the best". I know all about birth defects, better timing in my life, and so forth, but MY CHILD IS DEAD. I know that somehow God can work even this for His good purpose, but right now I need you to validate my grief."
"Sexual tensions often run high during infertility. After the death of a baby, physical intimacy is emotionally entangled with the creation (and loss) of life. Statements such as "Do you guys know how babies are made?" or "At least you can have fun trying!" cut me to the core."
"Fertility isses are very personal. If I choose to share with you, I am placing a deep level of trust in our friendship. Before passing my news along to anyone else, please ask my permission. Most fertility related issues are medical problems, often entailing many complex issues. Infertility causes stress, but it is extremely rare for stress to be the sole cause of interiltiy. "Relaxing" will NOT cure endometriosis, open blocked fallopian tubes, enable deformed sperm to fertilize an egg, or change my odds of carrying a child with genetic defects.
Don't suggest that my infertility will be resolved if I "just adopt". Adoption may (or may not) be a part of God's plan for us, but both infertility and adoption are issues we need to workt through one step at a time. A healthy period of grieving for the biological child we may never have may be needed before we are ready to even consider adoption. And while I'm sure you know someone who adopted then got pregnant, statistically, adoption does not increase my chances of future pregnancy.
Please do not offer advice unless I ask you for it. I have probably already heard about (and tried) boxer shorts, vacation, and sexual techniques to improve our chances of conception. You might make very different choices in our situation, but as you are not in our situation, please keep your opinions to yourself unless you think we are acting in explicit contradictions to clear-cut biblical principals."
"Wondering if God's perfect plan for my life will include children, or even realistically expressing painful doubts about my dwindling hope for the possibility of parenthood, does not equate to doubting God. Please don't judge my loss of hope about having a child to loss of hope in Christ.
You may say, "I just know God is going to give you a baby." But how do you know? Has He given you a revelation that He hasn't given me? Please be careful speaking for the Lord unless you are sure. (Prophets of old were stoned when they presumed to speak and their prophecies were found to be untrue.)"
*****"As I seek to find my place as an infertile woman in the body of Christ, it may take some adjustments for me to find where I feel best used of the Lord. For instance, the church nursery might be exactly where I WANT to be on some days when my arms just ache to hold a baby, but it might just as easily become a place that stabs my heart with envy and grief over what I do not have. Our woman's Bible study may feel more like a "mom's club" where I'm an outsider, than a place I can freely fellowship and nourish my soul on the Word of God.
"I fully agree with the Bible that children are a blessing. I only ask that our church be aware that many of us cannot take such a gift for granted. Please don't elevate parenthood to the point where I feel cursed because I have not been so blessed. An honest "I dont know the right thing to say or do" or simple "I'm sorry" is a great start. I don't usually want or expect to be fixed, nearly as much as I need a listening ear, a friendly hug, and lots of prayer."
"While I'm waiting, please don't ask me if I'm pregnant yet each time you see me."
"Intended encouragment such as "Well, at least you know you can get pregnant now" or "You can always have another one" are not comforting in the face of loss. Would you say to a widow, "Don't worry, You can always get married again?"
(end of excerpts from the book)
I have heard it all, things like:
Its just not God's time (how would you know when God's time is?)
You just need to relax, don't think about it (relaxing doesn't cure medical conditions and not thinking about it is like asking me to not breathe, unless you have been in my situation, dont pretend to have the answers)
It will happen when you stop trying (no, it won't. Once again medical issues causing infertility don't cure themselves without a doctors intervention or medication)
Are you sure you're ready to deal with this - as your child screams (is not a comfort to me, I am well aware of the pains and stress of children)
The list could go on but these are the ones that bother me the most. And please, don't complain about your children or your 'horrible pregnancy' to me, I have NO sympathy for you! Because I pray for the worst morning sickness in the world to only have the chance to be pregnant! I would gladly trade places with you, so don't come to me to complain about how hard you have it with your kids. Be thankful for them and find someone else to get sympathy from when you are having a rough pregnancy because I would give ANYTHING to be pregnant.
"When you are meeting someone new, don't start your conversation with "So, do you have any kids?" While innocent enough, such questions can make me feel like a deer caught in your headlights."
*****"Please don't tell me I am being punished. I am already probing my heart with a microscope to see if there are any offensive ways standing in the way of my relationship with God. Infertility and bereavement carry many painful emotions, often including a false sense of guilt and self-blame. Please be careful not to try to play the role of the Holy Spirit in my life. If you truly believe my fertility challenges are entangled with sin issues, prayerfully approach me with loving-kindess rather than condemnation, in keeping with Matthew 18, Galations 6 and James 5:19-20"
"Just because my miscarriage was "early" don't think my baby was any less a person, any less my child, any less significant, than if he had died later in life. Don't tell me that my baby's death was probably"for the best". I know all about birth defects, better timing in my life, and so forth, but MY CHILD IS DEAD. I know that somehow God can work even this for His good purpose, but right now I need you to validate my grief."
"Sexual tensions often run high during infertility. After the death of a baby, physical intimacy is emotionally entangled with the creation (and loss) of life. Statements such as "Do you guys know how babies are made?" or "At least you can have fun trying!" cut me to the core."
"Fertility isses are very personal. If I choose to share with you, I am placing a deep level of trust in our friendship. Before passing my news along to anyone else, please ask my permission. Most fertility related issues are medical problems, often entailing many complex issues. Infertility causes stress, but it is extremely rare for stress to be the sole cause of interiltiy. "Relaxing" will NOT cure endometriosis, open blocked fallopian tubes, enable deformed sperm to fertilize an egg, or change my odds of carrying a child with genetic defects.
Don't suggest that my infertility will be resolved if I "just adopt". Adoption may (or may not) be a part of God's plan for us, but both infertility and adoption are issues we need to workt through one step at a time. A healthy period of grieving for the biological child we may never have may be needed before we are ready to even consider adoption. And while I'm sure you know someone who adopted then got pregnant, statistically, adoption does not increase my chances of future pregnancy.
Please do not offer advice unless I ask you for it. I have probably already heard about (and tried) boxer shorts, vacation, and sexual techniques to improve our chances of conception. You might make very different choices in our situation, but as you are not in our situation, please keep your opinions to yourself unless you think we are acting in explicit contradictions to clear-cut biblical principals."
"Wondering if God's perfect plan for my life will include children, or even realistically expressing painful doubts about my dwindling hope for the possibility of parenthood, does not equate to doubting God. Please don't judge my loss of hope about having a child to loss of hope in Christ.
You may say, "I just know God is going to give you a baby." But how do you know? Has He given you a revelation that He hasn't given me? Please be careful speaking for the Lord unless you are sure. (Prophets of old were stoned when they presumed to speak and their prophecies were found to be untrue.)"
*****"As I seek to find my place as an infertile woman in the body of Christ, it may take some adjustments for me to find where I feel best used of the Lord. For instance, the church nursery might be exactly where I WANT to be on some days when my arms just ache to hold a baby, but it might just as easily become a place that stabs my heart with envy and grief over what I do not have. Our woman's Bible study may feel more like a "mom's club" where I'm an outsider, than a place I can freely fellowship and nourish my soul on the Word of God.
"I fully agree with the Bible that children are a blessing. I only ask that our church be aware that many of us cannot take such a gift for granted. Please don't elevate parenthood to the point where I feel cursed because I have not been so blessed. An honest "I dont know the right thing to say or do" or simple "I'm sorry" is a great start. I don't usually want or expect to be fixed, nearly as much as I need a listening ear, a friendly hug, and lots of prayer."
"While I'm waiting, please don't ask me if I'm pregnant yet each time you see me."
"Intended encouragment such as "Well, at least you know you can get pregnant now" or "You can always have another one" are not comforting in the face of loss. Would you say to a widow, "Don't worry, You can always get married again?"
(end of excerpts from the book)
I have heard it all, things like:
Its just not God's time (how would you know when God's time is?)
You just need to relax, don't think about it (relaxing doesn't cure medical conditions and not thinking about it is like asking me to not breathe, unless you have been in my situation, dont pretend to have the answers)
It will happen when you stop trying (no, it won't. Once again medical issues causing infertility don't cure themselves without a doctors intervention or medication)
Are you sure you're ready to deal with this - as your child screams (is not a comfort to me, I am well aware of the pains and stress of children)
The list could go on but these are the ones that bother me the most. And please, don't complain about your children or your 'horrible pregnancy' to me, I have NO sympathy for you! Because I pray for the worst morning sickness in the world to only have the chance to be pregnant! I would gladly trade places with you, so don't come to me to complain about how hard you have it with your kids. Be thankful for them and find someone else to get sympathy from when you are having a rough pregnancy because I would give ANYTHING to be pregnant.
Life in Texas
Well I think my last blog was about our moving to Texas. I can't remember exactley where I left off in that one but I will start with finding our house.
We found a house to rent that is about 15 minutes from base and just 3 minutes from the mall. Its in a nice cul-de-sac neighborhood that is very quiet and made up mostly of military people - active duty and retired. Our house has a huge privacy fenced in backyard that Skye just LOVES! Its 3 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms with a 2 car garage. I really like the house but the landlord doesn't seem to want to do any upkeep or maintanence on it, which is really frustrating. Because our rent is right at our cap we are having to pay for all utilities out of pocket, so to help out I decided to get a job. I started thinking about working at JCPenney's when I was back in MI and I was shopping in there one day and the girl at the customer service said she really liked it and the discount was nice. So I thought, why not? And I applied at the one right down the road at the mall, just 3 minutes from our house. I got a call back for an interview that week, which was a surprise to me considering I didn't have my car yet. We were still waiting for it to arrive off the boat from Italy. So I got hired before I could even start. I started working there the first week in August as soon as my car arrived!
About two weeks ago I got called into the boss's office and offered the holiday job of being MOD (Manager on Duty). Basically what I do is walk around the store with a phone and a list of everyone working that day and the department they are working in. I make sure breaks are covered and lunches are scheduled and covered and multitask everything that is going on or needs to be done in the store. Its a little difficult since they don't want me to be behind a register. So when extra help is needed in another department I need to know who I can pull from another one without leaving that department empty, while keeping on top of the dressing rooms and answering that phone with all the calls of questions and help that is needed all around the store. Its a little crazy at times but I actually like it. I like to be able to get to know everyone else that works there and interact with them. With the new job comes more responsibility and more hours! I am working 40 hours a week, but its good to get out of the house and help with the income!
I like it here in Abilene, its a nice area and the shopping is good. I mean its great compared to the online shopping that I had in Italy, haha. I like being able to go into a variety of stores to find what I am looking for!
Julia and Gary came down to visit and stayed on base one night and we had about two full days together, it was really nice catching up with them and getting to spend some quality time together. We went to the historic Buffalo Gap Village and it was really cool being able to walk into buildings and homes that were built in the 1900's-1950's. I am planning on going down to San Antonio this weekend to see them and let them show me around their town!
Well thats about all I can tell you for now. Hopefully I will have more news to share soon!
We found a house to rent that is about 15 minutes from base and just 3 minutes from the mall. Its in a nice cul-de-sac neighborhood that is very quiet and made up mostly of military people - active duty and retired. Our house has a huge privacy fenced in backyard that Skye just LOVES! Its 3 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms with a 2 car garage. I really like the house but the landlord doesn't seem to want to do any upkeep or maintanence on it, which is really frustrating. Because our rent is right at our cap we are having to pay for all utilities out of pocket, so to help out I decided to get a job. I started thinking about working at JCPenney's when I was back in MI and I was shopping in there one day and the girl at the customer service said she really liked it and the discount was nice. So I thought, why not? And I applied at the one right down the road at the mall, just 3 minutes from our house. I got a call back for an interview that week, which was a surprise to me considering I didn't have my car yet. We were still waiting for it to arrive off the boat from Italy. So I got hired before I could even start. I started working there the first week in August as soon as my car arrived!
About two weeks ago I got called into the boss's office and offered the holiday job of being MOD (Manager on Duty). Basically what I do is walk around the store with a phone and a list of everyone working that day and the department they are working in. I make sure breaks are covered and lunches are scheduled and covered and multitask everything that is going on or needs to be done in the store. Its a little difficult since they don't want me to be behind a register. So when extra help is needed in another department I need to know who I can pull from another one without leaving that department empty, while keeping on top of the dressing rooms and answering that phone with all the calls of questions and help that is needed all around the store. Its a little crazy at times but I actually like it. I like to be able to get to know everyone else that works there and interact with them. With the new job comes more responsibility and more hours! I am working 40 hours a week, but its good to get out of the house and help with the income!
I like it here in Abilene, its a nice area and the shopping is good. I mean its great compared to the online shopping that I had in Italy, haha. I like being able to go into a variety of stores to find what I am looking for!
Julia and Gary came down to visit and stayed on base one night and we had about two full days together, it was really nice catching up with them and getting to spend some quality time together. We went to the historic Buffalo Gap Village and it was really cool being able to walk into buildings and homes that were built in the 1900's-1950's. I am planning on going down to San Antonio this weekend to see them and let them show me around their town!
Well thats about all I can tell you for now. Hopefully I will have more news to share soon!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
In between homes
Well, its been forever since I posted so I figured, why not?
I guess you could say right now we are homeless, lol. We left Italy June 5th and headed for Michigan. We have been having fun visiting my family and hanging out with friends. Its nice to not have to worry about the everyday requirements of life when Sergio is working.
We went on a vacation to Florida, first we went to Ft Lauderdale, where we met some awesome people that turned into great friends! I truely believe that God brings about circumstances into your life to meet certain people or for certain things to occur and its not until later that you see the whole picture and realize just what the purpose was. So then we went on our cruise to Grand Bahama Island and went snorkling - wow, what a beautiful world down there! If you have never done something like that - do it!! Then we spent the rest of the day at the Lucaya resort which has its own beach front, and wow, I could have stayed a whole week there right on the beach!! After our cruise we drove to Orlando where we met back up with our friends and spent another 2 nights just having fun!
We are just now getting to the end of our time in Michigan and will be heading to Texas. I am so excited about Texas too because the good friend that we met in Florida lives only 1 and half hours from where we will be!! AND the amazing retired Air Force couple I met in Italy lives just 4 and a half hours from us and we are already planning a visit with them. They are a younger version of my grandparents and I love them dearly! So we have a lot in store for us in Texas. I am really looking forward to finding a house and get settled in.
I loved the time we had in Italy and am very blessed to have had the opportunity that most people dream about their whole life. I can honestly say we came away from there with no regrets and got to explore everywhere we wanted to see (in Europe anyway). But I am also glad to be back in the United States with all of the conviences it has to offer!
I have a little bit of other news too but right now its too soon to make public knowledge! (and no I am not pregnant...yet).
I guess you could say right now we are homeless, lol. We left Italy June 5th and headed for Michigan. We have been having fun visiting my family and hanging out with friends. Its nice to not have to worry about the everyday requirements of life when Sergio is working.
We went on a vacation to Florida, first we went to Ft Lauderdale, where we met some awesome people that turned into great friends! I truely believe that God brings about circumstances into your life to meet certain people or for certain things to occur and its not until later that you see the whole picture and realize just what the purpose was. So then we went on our cruise to Grand Bahama Island and went snorkling - wow, what a beautiful world down there! If you have never done something like that - do it!! Then we spent the rest of the day at the Lucaya resort which has its own beach front, and wow, I could have stayed a whole week there right on the beach!! After our cruise we drove to Orlando where we met back up with our friends and spent another 2 nights just having fun!
We are just now getting to the end of our time in Michigan and will be heading to Texas. I am so excited about Texas too because the good friend that we met in Florida lives only 1 and half hours from where we will be!! AND the amazing retired Air Force couple I met in Italy lives just 4 and a half hours from us and we are already planning a visit with them. They are a younger version of my grandparents and I love them dearly! So we have a lot in store for us in Texas. I am really looking forward to finding a house and get settled in.
I loved the time we had in Italy and am very blessed to have had the opportunity that most people dream about their whole life. I can honestly say we came away from there with no regrets and got to explore everywhere we wanted to see (in Europe anyway). But I am also glad to be back in the United States with all of the conviences it has to offer!
I have a little bit of other news too but right now its too soon to make public knowledge! (and no I am not pregnant...yet).
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